I don't regret much, as far as how I have parented my children, and the choices I have made. I really don't. I am very proud of the job I have done, and am proud of my daughters who are wonderful little people. But now that I have read a lot more, done much more research, and have MATURED....do you want to know what I would change, if I could change just ONE thing? Giving infant formula to my kids. I breastfed AND formula fed my first two babies. But I only breastfed Maci until six months, And Olivia only FOUR! (all while being supplemented as well). After six & four months, I abruptly weaned them. Why, you may ask? Because I thought formula was just as good as breast milk. Sure, I thought I was a "nursing advocate". I knew breast milk was good for the baby, but I didn't know HOW good. And I didn't know how bad formula was.
When my first baby Maci was born, I was a wreck. I was twenty one years old, a single mom, with a mortgage that was purchased at the very height of the market. I had a HUGE car payment, and was completely stressed to the max. Zero child support from the sperm donor, and living on EI (maternity leave) I had been seeing a counsellor, because I was dealing with depression, and had an extremely rocky relationship with my family.
Maci was born weighing 5lbs 8oz. She was pretty jaundice- so after laying in the "lights" for a couple days, I took her home, weighing 5lbs 1oz. She was the light of my life. I have never felt such a deep, passionate love in my entire life. The fear I had about becoming a single parent turned into a severe passion. I would move mountains for this child, I would lay down my life. She was my everything. But my little everything wasn't eating very much. In fact, she slept most of the day. (This IS typical for newborns, but I'm talking allll daaaay.) I would sit on the couch with a glass of water, and a bowl of fruit or vegetables, topless, and just try to wake her up to nurse. ALL. DAY. LONG.
She wasn't gaining weight, and she wasn't yellow...she was orange. When she was about 2 weeks old, I called my mom hysterical, and exhausted. Maci wasn't eating, I was engorged, and in so much pain. She brought over a can of formula and bottles, and told me that I needed to feed my baby. It was devastating to give her that bottle, but as I watched her drink it, I felt like my boobs and my milk just wasn't good enough.
A week later, I tried pumping. But because I had very little money, I bought a cheap manual pump, and pinched a milk duct. This caused a blocked duct, which turned into an infection, which caused mastitis. Let me tell you right now- I would NEVER wish what I went through on anyone. It started as a slight burning feeling under my left breast. Then the pain started to rise. It began around 3pm, and by 7pm, I was shaking so bad, and so cold from a fever, that I thought I would give Maci shaken baby syndrome, just by holding her.
I drove myself to the hospital, with Maci in tow, and collapsed in the ER. The nurse took my temperature three time, with two different thermometers, thinking they must be broken. Was it possible that my temperature was really 105F? That's when brain damage can happen. They told me that if I hadn't of come in, I probably would have died. (I lived alone, so no one would have found me in time.) It was the worst case of mastitis the hospital had ever seen. And it HURT like a biiitch. OMG, did it ever hurt. And HOW do you drain the infection? Baby has to unclog the duct, by nursing. It hurt just to touch the skin of my breast with a finger gently, let alone a baby latched on. I was in the hospital on antibiotics for 10 days because of that nasty little infection...and you would THINK a nurse, doctor, or lactation consultant would have told me..."Don't worry about pumping, don't use formula or bottles. You produce milk like a freaking dairy cow- just NURSE YOUR BABY." But they didn't. So I went home, and nursed, and supplemented with formula. Formula became an easy "go to". And I seriously regret it. And because I believed that no one would make baby formula if it wasn't HEALTHY for babies, I went on to supplement my second baby with formula as well. Did I "need" to? No. I didn't. I made more than enough milk. But I didn't KNOW I shouldn't give it to them. Everyone around me not only told me that it was OK, they said it was just as good for baby. And why did I stop breastfeeding all together at six & four months? Because I didn't educate myself. And honestly, I was being selfish.
I did another thing that many moms, dads, and child care experts would grimace at. And that was the CIO method. Yep, I let Maci and Olivia both cry it out. Brad says I cried harder than they did. It took them both two night, and then bedtime was nothin'. And still is. Putting my girls to bed, is easy. Too easy, some would say....but, because I was letting them cry, and not nursing them in the night anymore, (I had previously co-slept with both of them from birth-6 months) I was waking up engorged with milk all over the bed. So I did what any uneducated mother would do. I weaned them.
I feel horrible writing this, now that I know how wrong I was. But I am admitting that I was wrong, and putting myself at the mercy of lactivists everywhere, so that maybe my story will stop another mama from making my same mistakes.
There are so many reasons why it is important to choose to breastfeed you baby.
Colostrum is liquid gold, and there is nothing as good or better for a human baby, than human milk. Nothing. Your body needs to heal from ten long months of pregnancy, labour and delivery. You need to sit every few hours with a tall glass of water, a bowl of fruit or vegetables, and be skin to skin with your baby, nursing them. It will help shrink your uterus back to size, and help you lose the weight that you needed to have on while pregnant. It lowers your chances of getting breast cancer, ovarian cancer, and type 2 diabetes. And the benefits for your child are incredible. Here are some:
Your breast milk changes as your baby grows! Colostrum changes into mature milk. It will take about three to five days after birth, for mature breast milk to have just the right amount of fat, sugar, water, and protein to help your baby continue to grow.
Breast milk is easier to digest! For almost all babies — especially PREMATURE babies — breast milk is easier to digest on their little tummies than formula. The proteins in formula are made from cow’s milk and it takes time for babies’ stomachs to adjust, and be able to digest them.
Breast milk fights disease! The cells, hormones, and antibodies in breast milk protect our babies from illness. The protection is unique. Infant formula cannot match the chemical makeup of human breast milk. In fact, among babies who are formula-fed, ear infections and diarrhea are more common. Formula-fed babies also have higher risks of:
- Diseases that affects the gastrointestinal tract in preterm infants.
- Lower respiratory infections
- Asthma (something Maci has...)
- Obesity
- Type 2 diabetes
I am not going to bash formula right now, but I will say that for a mama who NEEDS to formula feed, and has NO other option- yes, of COURSE. Feed your baby. You love your baby, and you need to nourish that little baby. I wish I had know about milk banks...and I wish that more mamas who have trouble nursing, knew about them.
If you can breastfeed, please do. It might be really hard at first. It might really fucking hurt. A LOT. But it will get better. IT WILL GET EASIER. Sadie is 5 1/2 months old, and is exclusively breastfed. It was toe curling pain for the first four weeks, but I didn't give up, and now it is SO easy! I would way rather lift my shirt and feed her, than have to make and sterilize a bottle. (PLEASE, do not comment that you don't bother sterilizing the formula...)
With much love,
xoxo
RJ
Struggling to breastfeed? Please check out http://www.calgarymothersmilkbank.ca/ or google "Human Milk for Human babies" to find a milk bank near you.
https://www.facebook.com/TheModernCrunchyMama
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